November 14, 2015

"Yews are normally either male or female and in autumn and winter sexing yews is generally easy."

"Males have small spherical structures that release clouds of pollen when they mature. Females hold bright red berries from autumn into winter. It was, therefore, quite a surprise to me to find a group of three ripe red berries on the Fortingall Yew when the rest of the tree was clearly male."

The Fortingall Yew is at least 2,000 years old and possibly as old as 5,000.

"Odd as it may seem, yews, and many other conifers that have separate sexes, have been observed to switch sex. It's not fully understood - normally the switch occurs on part of the crown rather than the entire tree changing sex. In the Fortingall Yew it seems that one small branch in the outer part of the crown has switched and now behaves as female."

What if one small part of you switched and began to behave as a member of the opposite sex from what you've believed yourself to be all these years? Which part would it be, and how would you know?

I ask the questions those other blogs dare not ask.

32 comments:

Roughcoat said...

Even in time of war humor is needed. Especially in time of war. The phrase "sexing yews" is humorous. Downright funny if you see it as a verb phrase ...

Discuss.

traditionalguy said...

What if my interior decorating talents would morph into half Patriarchal and half Feminist. But like a sterile Mule, I probably could not pass them on.

Then I want to be Andrea Bocelli.

rhhardin said...

It might just be a urinary tract infection.

Bob Boyd said...

When I was a teenager my right hand could turn into Farrah Fawcett. Does that count?

madAsHell said...

I ask the questions those other blogs dare not ask.

....and willing to tolerate the obvious answers. See Bob Boyd above.

Sebastian said...

"What if one small part of you switched and began to behave as a member of the opposite sex"

Tear glands in metrosexual college men?

Paco Wové said...

I'm beginning to think you have an unhealthy obsession with certain topics.

rhhardin said...

Corn goes through puberty in about August.

Roger Sweeny said...

Millions of men can tell you it has already happened to their breasts.

Danno said...

Ew! Caitlyn Jenner?

An authoritative link to Ew!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JltEXpbGM8s

Laslo Spatula said...

"What if one small part of you switched and began to behave as a member of the opposite sex from what you've believed yourself to be all these years? Which part would it be, and how would you know?"

My Morality changed to that of a woman.

I could tell because I was overcome by relief at the knowledge that I could kill a Life growing inside me at any time I wanted.

I also became more bitchy.


I am Laslo.

wildswan said...

When Hillary was about to get married and become a law partner, she suddenly ran off and tried to join the Marines, she says. This being ridiculed but perhaps some very small part of herself wanted to be an honest, brave and patriotic man instead of Bill's Bimbo Crusher or Madame Secretary Sellout. It seems to have been a pretty small part, however.

Laslo Spatula said...

I could tell that my Lips had turned female when I was overcome by the insatiable desire to suck on my own cock.

I am Laslo.

Fernandinande said...

What if one small part of you switched and began to behave as a member of the opposite sex from what you've believed yourself to be all these years?

First one would have to change species, to a plant, fungus, fish or invertebrate animal, so it's hard to predict which parts could be affected.

LYNNDH said...

We have seen this tree and it is truly awesome. Standing there and thinking about the history that has happened while this tree has been growing is - well I can't really put the feelings into words.

Nichevo said...

Well in her case it would mean she was having a boy. The solution of course would be an abortion.

chuck said...

Case in point

"Actually, I am a Rocket Scientist. Also hormonally odd (my blood has 46xy chromosomes anyway) and for most of my life, I looked male, and lived as one, trying to be the best Man a Gal could be. Anyway, in May 2005 that started changing naturally for reasons still unclear, and I'm now Zoe, not Alan : happier and more relaxed not to have to pretend any more. UPDATE - reason now identified as the 3BHSD form of CAH."

Fernandinande said...

There are plenty of older trees around here:

"The plant is estimated to weigh collectively 6,000,000 kg, making it the heaviest known organism. The root system of Pando, at an estimated 80,000 years old, is among the oldest known living organisms."

Plus the Bristlecones verfied to be > 4,000 years old.

Meade said...

"Which part would it be, and how would you know?"

The part of my brain that thinks: Maybe I'll just stay home and bake cookies and have teas. I could change my name to "Tammy Wynette"... stand by my man. No, scratch that — I'm 26, almost 27 — I'm joining the Marines. Yeah, that's the ticket!

Tyrone Slothrop said...

I would hope it would be my breasts. I mean, they already have a head start, and I could use another erogenous zone. But if I copped a feel, would that be unwanted sexual attention?

Char Char Binks, Esq. said...

I wanna sex yew up.

jr565 said...

you can tell that a yew is either masculine or feminine based on actual concrete things. If I felt like one part of me was a different sex, is it any more than a feeling?
Suppose I feel like my penis is actually a vagina. if I look at it, though, it's a penis. So my feeling may in fact be my mind playing tricks on me.

jr565 said...

What if the yew had feelings and could express itself, and what if it felt was that it was masculine, even though it was feminine? Should we give it plastic surgery and put fake berries on it so it looks maleish.
Like, lets remove all the bright red berries that it has naturally has. And instead lets put on silicone spherical strucutres. They wont actually release clouds of pollen, but whatever.

Lets remove all the things that are actual and real, and replace them all with approximations made out of plastic, and call those plastic things real. SEE? it really IS a male yew after all!

jr565 said...

Who's to say that male yews have spherical structures, and that female yews have red berries? Biology? What, pray tell, is that? Does that override FEELINGS?

Feelings, nothing more than feelings,
Trying to forget my feelings of love.
Teardrops rolling down on my face,
Trying to forget my feelings of love.
Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it.
I wish I've never met you, girl;
You'll Never Come Again.
Feelings, wo-o-o feelings,
Wo-o-o, feel you again in my arms.
Feelings, feelings like I've never lost you
And feelings like i've never have you
Again in my heart.
Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it.
I wish I've never met you, girl;
You'll never come again.
Feelings, feelings like I've never lost you
And feelings like i've never have you
Again in my life.
Feelings, wo-o-o feelings,
Wo-o-o, feelings again in my arms.
Feelings...

Johanna Lapp said...

If I was suddenly male, I'd be also suddenly straight.
Could work for me.
My fiancee might be less than thrilled.

Nichevo said...

Think of all the money you'd save on strap-ons, though.

jr565 said...

You are entitled to your opinion. But you are not entitled to your own facts.
Unless facts are hurtful of my opinion, and then my opinion becomes facts and facts become your opinion. AND YOU are not entitled to your opinion, just my opinion.

Smilin' Jack said...

What if one small part of you switched and began to behave as a member of the opposite sex from what you've believed yourself to be all these years? Which part would it be, and how would you know?

My hair, because I'd look even more like Brad Pitt.

Gahrie said...

Well...if my brain changed to female I wouldn't have to bother with logic or rational thought anymore.....

Paddy O said...


"What if one small part of you switched and began to behave as a member of the opposite sex from what you've believed yourself to be all these years? Which part would it be, and how would you know?" Ann asked.

And an extremely small voice, close to her ear, said, `You might make a joke on that -- something about "Yew" and "growing berries," you know.'

Quaestor said...

What if one small part of you switched and began to behave as a member of the opposite sex from what you've believed yourself to be all these years? Which part would it be, and how would you know?

Since I could not experience such a partial sex change without ceasing to be bilaterian deutrostome, or any kind of sex change and remain a member of the Aminota, then I must conclude I would lack the brain power to appreciate any aspect of such an alteration.

I ask the questions those other blogs dare not ask.

For obvious reasons I observe.

Unknown said...

Maybe it's a transsexual yew?

We have to be accepting, you know.