December 18, 2014

"My thriftiness overwhelmed my modesty, and I removed my T-shirt, stripped off my briefs and marched back to the store."

"If it was hard to buy produce without clothing and with a poor command of the language, it was more difficult to return it. Perhaps the poignant sight of a flat-chested, middle-aged American woman seeking to buy a voluptuous French melon melted the icy heart of the clerk. She found me another watermelon."

From "Vacationing in the Nude, With Mom" (in the NYT).

47 comments:

mccullough said...

Contrast ripe melon with small breasts, possible stretch marks, maybe the onset of wrinkles. But do small breasts ever sag?

Freeman Hunt said...

Vacationing in the Nude, With Mom

Say what? No.

Freeman Hunt said...

So.... all the naked people are sitting on the same surfaces? There's a park bench, and you rest your naked bottom on it where hundreds of other naked bottoms have rested before. Is that right?

The article made me gag. Literally.

Wince said...

She was wearing Obama's mom jeans.

lemondog said...

But do small breasts ever sag?

Of course.....

traditionalguy said...

Apparently this is a French perversion. France is a foreign place sometimes seen in photos of bare breasted natives in National Geographic issues. But the foldouts are only maps.

Big Mike said...

I'd have to lose about 75 pounds and spend about 200 hours working out in a gym before I'd even think about going to a "naturist" resort.

People feel sorry enough for my wife as it is.

MadisonMan said...

The article made me gag. Literally.

Didn't she mention doilies on chairs, etc., to avert that problem?

Love the sons' reaction. That would be any boy's reaction at that age.

Freeman Hunt said...

Didn't she mention doilies on chairs, etc., to avert that problem?

That was only at one place, and she said it must have been upscale because it had them.

Anonymous said...

Suggested new headline.

Greed or Lust, which deadly sin to choose today?

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bob Ellison said...

I'm not going to comment on this topic.

Mister Brickhouse said...

Lena Dunham, is that you?

buwaya said...

More German than French.
And pretty much dying out. Used to be much more popular.

Freeman Hunt said...

@SOJO Ha! Smart niece.

Seriously. Renting a nudist place with a couch? So many hours logged of bare behinds, so so many. You sit, naked, your bare behind making contact with the fabric of the couch, the same bit of fabric that so many other bare behinds have made contact with before yourself.

I can't think about this topic anymore. I just ate dinner. Everyone was fully clothed.

Freeman Hunt said...

Oh, and while you're sitting there naked, your mom is there too. And she's also naked.

Worst. Vacation. Ever.

madAsHell said...

Why do I feel that the author just made this story up??

Michael K said...

Is anyone surprised that they are college professors ?

I have been vacationing in France with my daughter and saw women sunbathing nude but none of us were interested in emulating them. Ditto for Bondi Beach in Australia.

I asked the daughter of a friend in Sydney if she went to the beach without a top, which is very common. She replied with a practical observation. She said, "I don't want the boys to think I'm a bloke !"

Small breasts, again.

She is now a wife and mother in London.

Skyler said...

Another out of touch NYT article trying to make their readers think they are missing something in life unless they conform to nihilistic hedonism.

khesanh0802 said...

First the idiot woman who adopted the dog that ate their cat, now this one. Where do they find these people? The Pauline Kael syndrome at the NYT.

Sam L. said...

Well! Aren't we mostly up-tight conservative folks here?

As is often said, the people one sees on a nude beach are mostly those you wouldn't want to see at a nude beach.

JAORE said...

Nude vacations with your Mom? I'll run that by the kids at Christmas. There has been tension in the family that we spend more vacation time with kid family A versus B or C. This should settle THAT concern.

Guildofcannonballs said...

Worldly turnings dispate things or concepts that, quite frankly, in many ways could use some dispating turnings.

This is a link to reason apt right-so.

Guildofcannonballs said...

"they listen to songs of uplightenment during the solstice period. Take solstice period. Period."


This is a link that gustoness would not dare approch my appreciationess gusto-exempo!

pm317 said...

What is this such a big deal? There is a way to be with other people in these places and learn the etiquette and respect one another. And about the butt germs, use the fucking bidet and keep it clean and dry.

pm317 said...

*Why*

ken in tx said...

It's my understanding, US nudist places require you to carry a towel to sit on. I have never been to one, but I have relatives who have. Happy holidays! Enjoy your relatives!

Laslo Spatula said...

Community bicycles at the nudist resort means community bicycle seats. A very hilly nudist resort. And hot. Sweaty hot.

I am Laslo.

Laslo Spatula said...

Re: "It's my understanding, US nudist places require you to carry a towel to sit on."

The Shroud of Turin comes to mind.

I am Laslo.

Gahrie said...

The Shroud of Turin comes to mind.

You're going to Hell for that one Laslo.....

Laslo Spatula said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Laslo Spatula said...

New scents for Febreze, specifically for nudist resorts:

'Soft Backside Breeze.'

'Passion Fruit Butt Mango.'

'Deep Mocha Mudslide.'

'Hazelnut Scrotum.'

'Fresh=Pressed Vaginal Lemon and Vinegar.'

'Dark Cherry Taint.'

'Tropic Ass.'

and, of course,

'Wiggle Berry.'


I am Laslo.

Laslo Spatula said...

How could I forget "That-Time-Of-The-Month Raspberry'?

Consider it unforgotten.


I am Laslo.

Guildofcannonballs said...

If I could, would you?

Alice in Chains yo.

This is a link to Chains regarding Alice.

jaed said...

You forgot "Comfyballs in the Breeze", Laslo.

Lewis Wetzel said...

Ken in TX wrote:
"It's my understanding, US nudist places require you to carry a towel to sit on."
A fabric barrier between naked flesh and a shared public space. Gosh, I bet that there is another word for that.

Laslo Spatula said...

I secretly watch you from across the resort pavilion. You laugh and smile and then frolic in the pool: oh, how I imagine what you would look like with clothes on. Your naked breasts would look so alluring in a slinky red dress; your ass would be a thing of mystery almost-revealed in yoga pants. As I watch you I feel the sun-warmed plastic chair against my naked scrotum. I am your Naked Stalker.

I am Laslo.

Laslo Spatula said...

You kneel by the pool adjusting your towel and I am torn asunder by jealousy: everyone can catch a brief glimpse of your asshole exposed to the skies above -- it is not mine, alone. How I wish you were wearing frilly lace panties, panties that would contain the Mystery and the Wonder: sweat rolls down my back and slips between my naked buttocks. I am your Naked Stalker.

I am Laslo.

Laslo Spatula said...

A naked brunette with a tattoo on her hip is applying sunscreen to your back and buttocks. Oh, how I have pictured this sensuous moment before, but with you delightful girls in revealing red and blue bikinis. I see how the other men surreptitiously glimpse this scene and I despair: this should be my moment, alone: I am the one for you. My naked erection is hidden by the picnic table. I am your Naked Stalker.

I am Laslo.

tim maguire said...

Michael K said...
Is anyone surprised that they are college professors ?


Why is anyone surprised about any of this? It's called nudism, it's a long-standing widespread practice and so what? If it's warm enough to not need clothes, then the real perversion is forcing people to wear them.

Butts on couches? Really? I've got bad news for you--the hands are where the grossness resides.

Laslo Spatula said...

As you lay naked in the sun I see you have a mole on your right breast: In my mind's eye I have never pictured that. Indeed, I would never have seen that until you undressed before me, your clothes falling to the floor in my bedroom. I can't stop looking at the mole. I am naked on a plastic chair, sweating, and I can't stop looking at the mole. I wish I had not seen this so soon. I am your Naked Stalker.

I am Laslo.

Laslo Spatula said...

From a distance I follow you into the cafeteria. You choose a salad and I can't help but picture that Ranch Dressing dripping onto your delightful breasts. Your delightful naked breasts with a mole. Ranch Dressing on the mole. A mole that would've been covered by a slinky red dress, a mole that would've been hidden as you went brazenly bra-less under a fitted white shirt. I leave the cafeteria before my groin betrays me. I am your Naked Stalker.

I am Laslo.

Laslo Spatula said...

Oh, if but once you were to look my way, me, naked, looking at you: you would feel the electricity that connects us; you would see that I have trimmed my pubic hair for you. I am your Naked Stalker.

I am Laslo.

Laslo Spatula said...

I had expected that you trimmed your pubic hair, but I did not imagine you would be completely shorn. I miss the City, and its stealthy peeks up the demure skirts of the women commuting on the bus. I am your Naked Stalker.

I am Laslo.

Known Unknown said...

This is more disgusting than anything in that article.

Known Unknown said...

A friend and I once wrote and performed a skit about a casting agent looking for to cast a woman with extremely generous pubic hair.

Some of the dialogue:

"It should look like Larry Fine fell asleep in her lap."

"It's like she's getting a piggy back ride from Dr. J."

"Someone who looks as if they're getting oral from Art Garfunkel."

mikee said...

Here in Austin, Texas, where all residents are essentially required to be progressive and to keep things weird, at least compared to Dallas, Houston and San Antonio, there is a cove on the lake called Hippy Hollow Park, a nudist enclave since real hippies walked the earth.

Google it and you will see pictures of young buff men and lithe women enjoying nature. Go there and you will see fat old codgers and saggy mommas who last looked good nekkid when Nixon was still around to kick.

I approve of nudity in others, young and old. I enjoy being nekkid often in the privacy of my home, but would not wish to offend others with my fat, deathly-white thighs/ass/belly. Except political survey takers, who knock multiple times daily during election seasons. They get the Full Monty, and they get it without any warning.